Openly Gay Covington Partner Reflects on California Ruling

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May 15, 2008 6:06 PM

Openly Gay Covington Partner Reflects on California Ruling

Posted by Zach Lowe

Bruce Deming, 43, a corporate partner in Covington & Burling's San Francisco office, has been openly gay since college. He met his partner, Jeff Byrne, at Harvard Law School in the early 1990s.

He and Byrne were among the 4,000 same-sex couples who married in 2004 when San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom ordered the city to issue licenses. Their marriage was later annulled by a state ban. The couple has two adopted children: a daughter, 10, and a son, 6.

Deming has been agitating for gay rights for two decades; this week, he was appointed to the national board of directors of Lambda Legal. Today's ruling by the California Supreme Court overturning the state ban on gay marriage ended four years of back-and-fourth court battles. The issue will again face a challenge in November, when voters will vote on a referendum on the issue. Deming spoke with The Am Law Daily about today's ruling, reflecting on the personal and the political.

What were you doing this morning?
I was on the state Supreme Court Web site and I started hitting "refresh" at 9:58. I think everyone else in the world was doing it, too, because it was really slow. I got the opinion at 10:02 and it took forever to download. And only on the fourth page do you get a hint that, yes, they are going to overturn the ban.

Right after the decision came out, my partner immediately went down to City Hall and I started calling to find out if we could get a marriage license today.

You have been through the process before.
We had a wedding in 1996 with about 100 friends and family in Sonoma--this was before gay people were doing much about marriage and commitment ceremonies. We both wore tuxedoes. That was our real wedding.

In 2004, my partner read on a blog that people were getting married at City Hall. He called me at work and asked if I wanted to get married. I said, "What? Aren't we already?" He explained the city was issuing marriage licenses. I cancelled all my appointments, took a taxi and met him at City Hall.

And your marriage was annulled just a few months later.
It was incredibly depressing. I didn't think that piece of paper (the marriage license) would mean that much to me until it was annulled. I felt branded as not worthy by the state. My other half could tell I was depressed. One of the really sweet things he said was, "Sweetie, I'll marry you as many times as it takes."

As the legal battle has gone back and forth, have you been able to work on gay rights issues in your practice?
I did some pro bono work in Florida, where by statute it said gays could not adopt children. I worked on cases challenging those--unsuccessfully.

What's your reaction to this, given the looming ballot referendum?
I think it's finally going to happen this time. There's still the question of the referendum, and whether, if it passes, our marriage will be annulled a second time or whether we will be within a window of time where [the marriage continues to be recognized.]

This is part of an historical social struggle and this is a pretty unique time in history. In 20 years, we're going to be able to look back and feel good about having been part of the fight. But we can't let the court or state decide what our relationship means. We tell our kids, "Daddy and Papa have been married in their hearts for a long time."

NOTE: Sibling publication The Recorder has a detailed report and related stories on today's ruling.

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